Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize