he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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