Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
