btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
