Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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