She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
