Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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