well I can't set my house on fire every night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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