WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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