No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
