why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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