i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
