tell your sister to shave her snatch
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
