You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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