Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
