Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
