he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
