Already got asked if we're dating
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
