You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
