Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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