So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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