oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
