so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
