does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
