so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
