not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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