he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
