All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
