There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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