I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize