It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
