meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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