I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
