I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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