and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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