The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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