did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
