just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize