dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
PANTIES FOUND
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