Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
