I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
