I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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