i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize