on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
