My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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