remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
