forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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