John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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