I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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