Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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