Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
