his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
