I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
