im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
