I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
