Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
