it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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