his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
