Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
