if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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