he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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