you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
